​In Defense of Jersey

Some of you may have seen a recent article on NJ.com listing the 12 worst things about living in New Jersey. As a member of a country where self-deprecation is the law, I approve. But the article has prodded me to a defense of my adopted state, prodded me so successfully I even want to write it down and post it (and spell defense the American way even though it makes my teeth hurt). It’s like a letter to the newspaper, only I am the newspaper and there are about three readers. But still.
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I feel I am uniquely qualified to defend the Garden State because:

1. Being English I’m a sucker for the underdog
2. I’ve lived here for 21 years
3. I actually love this state.

So here are my 12 reasons to love New Jersey:

1. Pizza. Sorry, Chicago. Nice try. I know the NJ article mentioned this as a last-ditch attempt to make us feel better but it’s worth putting up front.
2. You are only 7 hours from England.
3. Someone else will pump your gas for you. Genius idea.
4. PG Tips in every supermarket.
5. The weather is good. Recent years notwithstanding, when it’s winter it’s cold but won’t kill you after five minutes exposure, and in the summer it’s hot but ditto. You can reasonably plan outdoor activities in the expectation that the weather will cooperate. If the last couple of years have been a negation of all this, then it’s happening to the rest of y’all too and isn’t a reason to diss NJ.
6. The reason everyone crams to the shore in the summer is because it’s awesome. 130 miles of beach, people! My personal favourite is Long Beach Island, but you will find your own slice of heaven and yes, you’ll sit in three hours of traffic to get there, because it’s sure as blooming ’eck worth it, guvna.
7. People are just as nice and nasty here as everywhere else. Yes, the customer service can be shitty but I didn’t learn how to say “Hi, how are you?” or “Have a nice day” from rude people. My local supermarket cashiers are delightful.
8. The driving is just as bad in Boston, New York, Philly, London—you name it—as it is here. Lots of people, not much space. Zen breathing is probably your best friend.
9. There are very few circles (roundabouts to us expats) and I wish there were more because then everyone would actually learn how to use them.
10. Suburbia. Man, it gets a bad rap. Do you want your kids to be able to hang out with their friends in safe spaces after school? Do you want to be able to walk to a food store if you have to when, oh, I don’t know, a superstorm knocks out your power for a week? Do you want a yard for your dog? Do you want to be a short drive away from bustling metropolises (metropoli?) without actually having to live there? Then suburbia is your friend. And NJ has some very pretty suburbia. Not saying it’s exponentially better than other states’ suburbia, but in 20 years when my kids are telling their therapists how we screwed up their lives, it won’t be because we made them live in suburban NJ.
11. We have lovely countryside. Really! Acres on acres of forests and hiking trails; rock climbing and bike riding, rivers, lakes, the ocean… sorry, what were you complaining about again?
12. We have lovely towns. Really! Main Streets straight out of Norman Rockwell, well-preserved and cared-for colonial and Victorian homes, fabulous old mansions that someone is paying enough attention to maintain, and green spaces and playing fields even in the most crowded towns. Come visit sometime. You’ll see.

New Jersey is like the rain in England: everyone gets to make fun of it. So go ahead. We will continue about our business, secure in the knowledge that we’re the most densely populated state in the nation and we’re just fine if no-one else wants to move here.