Now I didn’t want to do this so early, because this blog is going to be light and entertaining and not controversial in any way (unless you’re going to tell me Lipton makes good tea, in which case, pistols at dawn, sirrah). But there comes a time when even a cynical Englishwoman must make a stand. And I’ve decided to do it over chocolate. Which is funny because I’m not even that much of a chocolate eater. Ah, the irony. Well, if they start trying to ban PG Tips you can all watch me really let loose.
The thing is, no matter what you think of Hershey’s chocolate (and if you think it’s good, I’m so sorry), it is impossible for them to reproduce Cadbury’s chocolate in America exactly. A nice man from Hershey explains it in this piece from CBS.
So okay, Hershey, we get it. Your version has as much chocolate in it as Cadbury’s. Great. Good for you. The fact remains that they don’t taste like Cadbury’s (or like chocolate, oops I did it again). So people who eat Cadbury’s are not going to buy the Hershey version even if there isn’t a square of Whole Nut to be had in the entire country.
The other thing we’re not going to do, of course, despite what the lawsuit apparently says, is mistake a Yorkie bar for a York Peppermint Patty, or a Toffee Crisp for a Reese’s. This is the kind of assumption that makes me really crazy (ask me what I think about changing ‘Philosopher’ to ‘Sorcerer’ in a certain book about a boy wizard): that the targeted audience are too stupid to understand something. Dearest reader, I celebrate with every fibre of my being that you are an intelligent person who enjoys a little mythological reference and a little wry humour, and that if you were to go into a store looking for a small round minty chocolate, you would not come out with a rectangle of calories even Hagrid couldn’t finish in one go.*
And now I would like your help. Because as a loyal ex-pat, I should be boycotting Hershey. But they make Twizzlers. So you see my dilemma. If you could just remove every packet of Twizzlers from every store in America, I would really appreciate it. Thank you so much.
*Yorkies are made by Nestlé, not Cadbury’s. Not as good as Cadbury's, but still better than oh no I said it again.
Kimberley Ash is a British ex-pat who has lived in and loved New Jersey for twenty years. When not writing romance, she can usually be found cleaning up after her two big white furry dogs and slightly less furry children. Her first novel, Breathe, will be released by Crimson Romance on January 15,2018.